


hold on, i still want you (come back, i still need you)

by ftmpeter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Morgan Stark’s Birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftmpeter/pseuds/ftmpeter
Summary: When he’s finally allowed to hold her, in the white of a hospital room next to a sleeping Pepper, he forgets how to breathe.





	hold on, i still want you (come back, i still need you)

When he’s finally allowed to hold her, in the white of a hospital room next to a sleeping Pepper, he forgets how to breathe.

Curious brown eyes blink back at him. She’s so calm, so beautiful, and Tony thumbs her cheek.

“Hi,” he whispers as she squirms a bit, trying her best to find a comfortable spot. “Hi.”

A lock of dark brown hair that matches her eyes falls across her forehead, and Tony moves it delicately so he doesn’t disturb her. There’s this glow in his chest, light and gentle, and he can’t help but smile.

It’s odd, this happiness. Tony has never been one to be happy, even during good times. There has always been a repeat track of something bad in his head, skipping and crackling and dragging him down. Maybe it was the PTSD, maybe it was just how his brain worked, but either way, he hasn’t felt like this since..

Since Peter.

_ “Mr. Stark? I.. I don’t feel so good.” _

He swallows roughly, some of that happiness twisting into something painful. Almost as if she can sense it, Morgan shifts again, making a soft noise, like she’s about to start crying.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Tony shushes, rocking her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

_ ”You’re fine.” _

Tony closes his eyes. He feels tears burning, but he doesn’t let them fall, no. He can’t. Because if he does more will come and then he will break. Tony Stark does not break.

_ “I don’t wanna - I don’t wanna go, sir, please - “ _

If he pretends hard enough, Tony can nearly feel the way Peter fell into his arms, grasping at his shoulders desperately. The way he stumbled to the ground, red dirt swirling around him like an aura.

_ “I’m sorry.” _

Tony was never supposed to be a parent. He was never supposed to be someone that children - that _Peter_ \- looked up to. He had put walls up between him and everyone else because that’s what you do when you hurt people. That’s what you do when you ruin everything you touch. You close yourself off. You run away, because it’s better than the alternative.

But Tony didn’t. He pushed a teenage boy into a fight far too big for him. He made him grow up too fast, made him face things no one ever should. He watched him turn into ashes, watch his bright eyes, so full of love and trust and hope, fade as the rest of him did.

Morgan is asleep now, her fingers curled into his shirt. He gazes down at her, taking in the life that he created. The life he holds in his hands, like his own little world. His own universe.

“I’m not going to fail you,” Tony says softly. He knows she can’t hear or even understand what he’s saying, but it comes out anyway.

Tony Stark does not break, not anymore. He broke for the last time the moment he lost the kid.

“I’m not going to fail you,” he repeats. His voice cracks, and he clears it, determined to make this promise. “Not again. Not - not ever.”

He’s going to be better.

**Author's Note:**

> i miss tony stark


End file.
